It goes so fast

When I had my first child I was so excited by every new milestone he reached. I wrote everything down in his baby book. I even had to add in new sections to the book so I could include everything I wanted to record. I was very proud that he was "advanced" as he smile a week before the books said he should. I was so anxious for him to role over, sit up, crawl. I was always ready for the next step.

Us with our first born

But now, as I hold my youngest boy all I can think is that he is growing too fast. Over this first five months of his life I have held him every chance I could get. I held him even when "the books" said I should put him down. But with 12 years of parenting under my belt I know that the days that I can hold him will be over very soon.

Don't get me wrong, I was very happy to see his smiles come "early" and I will be excited when he starts to crawl and at his first steps. But they will also be a little bitter sweet because I know that those first unsteady steps will be the first of many that will take him on his journey.

I already miss his newborness. I love that he is so alert, that he laughs and interacts with his siblings. It was pretty fun the first time he rolled over. But I miss his little rolled up fists, his sleepy grey newborn eyes and that he was small enough to hold all the time. Now he is too big. My back gets sore, plus he wants to wiggle and move.

As I was doing laundry, I found a sleeper that he has outgrown. I held it for awhile before I put it away in my "too small" box. This sleeper was one that I passed down to all my kids. I know that twelve years ago, when my first wore that sleeper, some nice lady told me to treasure every moment because they go so fast. It was not that I did not believe her, but it felt like he would be this small forever. Every day (and night) felt like a year. But now, I get it. It goes so fast.

I know that I can not stop time. Nor do I want to hold my kids back. I want them to grow up and become they great people they are meant to be. But I want hold then now, as they are today. Not push them too fast forward either. Because they are only going to be this size once. And if I forget to pay attention I might miss it.

Prize

Look at what I found in my cereal box! Now that is a good prize.

Chaos you win.

Do you ever have those days that are just too much for you? Where at the end of the day you are farther in the hole then you were in the morning?

Well yesterday got the better of me. With a toddler that has dropped her nap and a fussy, mild fever baby I felt like I could get nothing done. I was still in my PJ's at noon. I would try to put the baby down for a nap and do some laundry but by the time I got the load in the machine he was up crying. I would try to engage the little girl but the cranky "I'm not tired" monster had taken her place.

By the time the big kids got home I knew the day was a total loss. I was not going to get any work done. I gave up. And it was the best thing I did all day. I stoped trying to look after my things and I started to focus on my people. Yes, dinner was pretty lame but we eat and talked around a messy table, in a messy kitchen. I helped with homework on the floor of the living room because there was no other flat surface that was clean. I watched puppet shows put on by my troop of Thespians and you know I did not even see the mess in the room. 

I am pretty sure that my kids could careless that the counters were full of dishes. I don't think that there fondest memories of childhood will be their mother in a mad cleaning frenzy. I think that they will remember the laughter and time together. 

Maybe one day I will have time to clean my house. Maybe I will have a vacuumed floor and not just a vacuum on the floor. But I hope that I will not care because I will have people to care about and things to do. In other words, even when the days get the best of me, I would not change how I live. But I might try to remember what (who) is important in this messy life more often.