Chaos you win.

Do you ever have those days that are just too much for you? Where at the end of the day you are farther in the hole then you were in the morning?

Well yesterday got the better of me. With a toddler that has dropped her nap and a fussy, mild fever baby I felt like I could get nothing done. I was still in my PJ's at noon. I would try to put the baby down for a nap and do some laundry but by the time I got the load in the machine he was up crying. I would try to engage the little girl but the cranky "I'm not tired" monster had taken her place.

By the time the big kids got home I knew the day was a total loss. I was not going to get any work done. I gave up. And it was the best thing I did all day. I stoped trying to look after my things and I started to focus on my people. Yes, dinner was pretty lame but we eat and talked around a messy table, in a messy kitchen. I helped with homework on the floor of the living room because there was no other flat surface that was clean. I watched puppet shows put on by my troop of Thespians and you know I did not even see the mess in the room. 

I am pretty sure that my kids could careless that the counters were full of dishes. I don't think that there fondest memories of childhood will be their mother in a mad cleaning frenzy. I think that they will remember the laughter and time together. 

Maybe one day I will have time to clean my house. Maybe I will have a vacuumed floor and not just a vacuum on the floor. But I hope that I will not care because I will have people to care about and things to do. In other words, even when the days get the best of me, I would not change how I live. But I might try to remember what (who) is important in this messy life more often. 

Look Out World

The first place I went alone after I had our first child was to buy a tent. And we had a great time camping in that tent. But after three kids and many trips to and from the prairies we needed an upgrade. 
So we bought an old hippy bus. That was lots of fun but westies have notoriously bad engines and ours was true to it kind. But we were very comfy while waiting for the engine to cool down!
Well, we are about to start the third chapter in our camping adventures.
And what could go wrong?

The Squishing Makes Us Stronger

I love to make bread. I have ever since I was in grade 11, when I read a recipe in the Canadian Living, and instead of studying for my finals I thought I would give it a try. It turned out to be that best and tastiest procrastination technique ever. Then and now, I like to make bread by hand, not with a bread machine or mixer, but with my hands all wet and gooey.
The other day I was making bread with my daughter. We were kneading out the dough in the bowl and my daughter asked me why I was squishing the bread. I said we need to squish the bread to make it strong. The more we squish the bread the stronger it gets. She thought that was funny, but it started me thinking. I think it's true not just for bread. The more we get squished, the stronger we get. This seems to be true in my own life.
When I go through hard things at first I feel sad, scared and lonely. I feel like I'm getting squished and I can't see why it's happening. It often seems pointless but after some time, after some rest, I see that I'm stronger. I'm better, more who I want to be. I've seen this in friends of mine who faced tragedies and have come out the other side or are in the process of coming out the other side to be stronger and better people. Even in the midst of our pain we are growing stronger. Unfortunately, I can't always see it in the moment.
When I think of those times that have been hard for me sometimes I felt like God trying punish me or make my life horrible. Even though I knew it was not true I still felt like God must be punishing me if life was hard or that I must be doing something wrong if life was not perfect. If it's hard to get the baby to sleep I must have done something wrong. If my kids aren't perfect then obviously I am a bad parent. But if I stop to think a little I realize that it's the squashing the makes us stronger. It's the hard parts that make us better. If life was always easy, my kids were always well behaved, or the baby always acted like the books said he should I would never learn how to be strong. It seems backwards but it is when I am my most weak and hopeless that I learn strength and hope. If life was always a Hollywood movie then I would never be who I was meant to be. I would never know how tough I can be. So even when it is scary I need to let the squishing come. It is the only way to get strong. 

Happy Easter

Nothing says "Christ is Risen " like chocolate for breakfast. New life out of death, the triumph of good over evil, the gift of eternal life and tooth decay. Alleluia!

Boil, boil, toil and trouble

As you know I like to make things on my own. Things that most people would rather buy because it costs more to make it, takes lots of time or is of better quality bought from a store. Things like bread, mittens, cheese and jam. I could say that I love the process and that home-made is so much better then store bought. That I can put love into these things as I make them. And sometimes this is true. I think that we have lost something by separating our selves from the process of creation. I feel closer to the Creator while I am creating. But sometimes the process is fraught with mistakes, the end product is spotty at best and I am putting in more swear words than love.

Well, now I have a new way to explore the world of do-your-self. My brother in law bought me a beer making kit for Christmas. And you can imagine how excited I was. Of course I was 2 days post-partum, so it took me a while to get working.

But once started this project had all the highlights of my other at home projects. Plus a few surprises. The first day involved a trip to the hospital!

Little did I know that cutting a hole in the top of the fermentation bucket could be such a sacrificial gift on the part of my long suffering husband.

I learned a lot, had a lot of fun and laughs. But I also got very wet, spilt beer all over the carpet, used some words I should not have and got very confused.

But last night was the moment of truth.  And you know, it was worth it. (Well, maybe if we forget the hospital visit).

We gave the human sacrifice the first glass!

I am already researching my next brew. Any requests?

Only in Saskatchewan...

... Do the words "not freezing"="warm"

We are all a little bit Irish

I love St Patrick's day. We all need a little fun half way through lent. While maybe you have more fortitude then I do, but I sure like an excuse to let loose a bit.

But St. Patty's day has more for us then Guinness stew and green beer. With St. Valentine and St. Nick, he is one of the last widely recognized saints. And I think that saints still matter. I believe that when our loved ones die they are not gone, separated form us forever. Nor do I believe that their spirit comes back in another form. I believe that they live on, closer to us then they ever could be while on earth. That is what the saints are. 

I like knowing that I have a whole bunch of people who care about me and are there to back me up even if I can't see them. Just like my grandparents had a lot to teach me in how they lived, so does St Patrick. Here is a little of his wisdom.

As I arise today,
may the strength of God pilot me,
the power of God uphold me,
the wisdom of God guide me.

So while you savour your Kilkenny today say a little hello to St. Pat, and ask him to look out for you, because today we are all a little bit Irish.