I love having a baby in the house. I love snuggling up with a warm little bundle. I love how they look at me like I am the most important, beautiful person in the world. And I love how I can fix any problem, a bump on the knee, a sleepy head, or even frustration over a not being able to eat electrical plugs. A cuddle and a nurse usually puts everything right.
I just wish that lasted forever. I wish that I could fix every things for all my kids for ever. But I can’t. For my big kids, I can no longer make everything right with a hug. I wish that I could reach in and take out the fear and anxiety in the heart of one of my beautiful babies. I wish I could help another see himself as I see him, an intelligent, fabulous, and interesting person. I wish I could help my little boy not take everything so deeply to heart. But I can’t.
As much as it hurts my heart, I know that taking the hurt and difficulties away from my kids would not serve them well. When I step back a little I see that it is the hard things that will make my children into strong adults. I know that if they never have to struggle, they will not know how strong they are. Or if they never hurt they will never see how beautiful forgiveness is. But it still hurt me to see them sad, frustrated or scared. Sometimes I think it hurts me more. They bounce back and move on but I am still grieving for them and their tender hearts. I want to fix it and make all the bad stuff disappear.
But my four-year-old said it best. After some now long forgotten sadness she was very distraught. I was trying to fix it, to explain why it was not that bad, why she should cheer up. She looked up at me with those big blue eyes and said “Mom, I don’t want you to make it better. I just want you to know that I am sad.”
Oh right. I am not the magician who can fix every things, but I still have a little magic left. I am that place that is safe even if the world gets to big. I am the listening ear that can just hear what they are feeling when their emotions getting more complex than ever before. And I can still have a hug, even though it will not fix everything. It still helps.