The following prayer was included in my kids school bulletin this week. It sums up all that I have been feeling and thinking this season.
"This Thanksgiving season, let those of us who have much and those who have
little gather at the welcoming table of the Lord and share this wish for our loved
May you have enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
May you have enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
May you have enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
May you have enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger
May you have enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
May you have enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
Loving God, who created and sustains the universe, who loved us all into being,
And who gives us every good thing; we thank you for the blessings that you bring
into our lives. Increase our gratitude this Thanksgiving season, and help us to
recognize all the good things that we have, both large and small"
Many mornings as I walk on this beautiful land, looking at the endless sky I have been filled with questions. Can I be thankful that we had Hilary, even if his time with us was so painfully short? Can I be thankful for this beautiful home even if it meant leaving so many people I deeply love and miss? Can the pain of today really be transformed by Christ?
A month and a half ago, as I sat in the ultrasound room waiting for the radiologist, I knew something was wrong with the baby but I did not yet know what. In those few moments I had an image of a gift wrapped in pretty paper. I had a choice. I could take the gift thankfully, graciously, even if I did not know what was in it. I could say thank-you even if I did not really like the present. Or I could bout and complain as a spoilt brat at Christmas who got socks when they wanted a computer game. I chose to be thankful.
Somehow it seemed easier that day then it does today. Today I feel sad and lonely. I am full of questions. But again I choose to be thankful. And I have to believe that even the gifts we don't understand are beautiful, even the sad days are worth living, and feeling pain is better then feeling nothing.
May you have a blessed Thanksgiving, may you bless all your blessings even the ones in disguise.